My Day so far

BBC News - Market Drayton gas cylinder fire: Businesses evacuated

limbo

limbo is no place,
the place between heaven and hell
there are no sign posts
and both the gates are identical
limbo is where nothing can be achieved
dreams cannot be followed
there is no distinction between a dream and a nightmare
people are faceless
enemies are friends and friends enemies
limbo is torture
where every thought is obsolete
every action has an unknown reaction
nothing is certain
nothing is real
desolate

chapter two first attempt

The moon seemed to shimmer that night as though it were just a refelction of its self on some distant lake, it appeared to shift and sway, the stars blinked like a new born babies eyes when it first meets the light of the delivery room. somewhere deep in the back of my mind was a deep, comforting hum, at first i thought it was the gentle buzz of alcohol wearing off. it had been a long year, the world had seen alot of evil deeds and tradgies, if you listened closely you could almost hear it sigh, the snow hung off its shoulders and wieghed down its spirirt even further, lately the world looked like a single tattered mitten lying in the middle of the gutter covered in snow and mud. as for me i felt like the other mitten, life was pretty snug and comfortable.

i had just left the works party and was idly swaying down the streets watching the world spinning on in ignorance. girls in short skirts and high heels stumbling from bars, arms linked together shouting out incoherent bablle to the men down the street who are standing around in packs, pushing out their chests and squaring off their shoulders. somewhere out of sight there is the smashing of glass, then a roar of laughter breaks out from behind me, the world spins on obvlivous, the humming in my head was slowly building up. As i turned from the main high street i found myself in what at first appeared to be an empty alley way but as my eyes adjusted to the darkness i saw a homeless man squatting amongst the shadows and rags. i could only make out his chimp like silohette but as i got closer i could hear him mumbling something repeatedly “the humming, stop turning it up, the humming, the humming....” at this point i realised it had become a noise no longer rolling around the inside of my head but a real sound, it wasnt a humming anymore it was gently roaring like distant thunder. at first i thought it was my own eyes that had started to adjust to the darkness, for i could now make out the tramps features, he had stopped mumbling and was now staring up to the sky with his mouth wide open. it was not my eyes adjusting it was the mans face that was being lit up by some external source. the movement of my eyes following the tramps gaze to take an etenrity, time seemed to move like treacle when suddenly there was a noise so loud it drowned my ears and everything became white, then silence.

chapter one first attempt

its like an apocolypse, nobody is quite sure how it will happen and how the world will be left after. there has been many ideas about the event some think it will be a tidal wave, an astroid, the wrath of god or the meddling of mankind. some believe the end will be a silent taking over by the centralisation of power or the supression of the human spirit, but all we really know is that it could happen. Well i have seen the end in all its destruction and choas, i have seen how the world looks after in its barren emptyness and im here to send you a warning, do not wait for the hand of God he isnt going to offer it to you.There will be no time to run, no where to hid, the end will come will come with a smile and tear your world apart, all the time you will think its your saviour until its too late and nothing can be as it was.

more than just soft tissue damage

its more than just soft tissue damage. those who have never suffered can never understand, those that live with it can never explain. It isn't something that you can just “snap” out of, it will not just “get better soon.” its like arthritis of the soul, some days it can be managed and controlled, and even at times it can be forgotten but it is always there lurking in the shadows, it isn't cured its just dormant. then other days its all consuming, its crippling, it doesn't just make you feel “a little down.” it taints everything, it clouds the mind, it sucks the heart out of you.

if you know someone who suffers depression then you don't have to say anything to them, just try and understand its more than soft tissue damage.

Just Incase the world is watching...

Just incase the world is watching I apologise now. This is going to be my outpourings. Sometimes it may be ugly, crazy, funny, crude and maybe a little painful but I feel the need to put myself out there. Hopefully I say might touch someone, or affect them in some way, even it just gives them the tiniest moment of feeling connected or less alone. Wish me luck folks

its a house coat

I am not sure why i am blogging, i doubt anyone is out there listening, i think it is more about getting the thoughts out of my head so i don't drowned in them. my name is Steven, i am 33 i suffer from depression, i work in care, i am married (only just about) i have two step daughters and two biological daughters, i am not a bad person but i have done some very bad things. i love movies, films, philosophy and want to be a writer. i feel like an outsider to the world. is there anybody out there?